It'sGeskuu

So today Matty & I went to his friend Dave’s show at Ashbury’s. At the end of Dave’s set, we started walking with him to get pins. Some girl came up to Matty and said hi. He said he knew her from high school. I kept walking and a minute later Matty walked past me and said he would be back in a minute and left to another area of the room with the girl. Dave gave me my pin ( and then had other things to do). So I stood there like an idiot for a couple minutes while I waited for Matty. I got tired of standing there so I went to sit down. About 5 minutes goes by and Matty finally comes back. I was clearly upset at this point. Matty went back to my house and we talked to my mom for a while. I had happened to mention to her what happened at Ashbury’s. When I walked downstairs I could hear Matty telling my mom about this problem. So that bothered me cuz I could tell that Matty didn’t understand the real reason I was upset. 

So I’m going to explain as much as I can….some things I will not post cuz I don’t want to bring up the really personal/private issues on Tumblr.

I was upset because he left me alone in a place where I didn’t know many people. When I was dating Matt, he would take me to Mojoes all the time and just walk away to talk to other people. And I would be left sitting in a chair by myself most of the night. I am a lot older than most people that hang out at these places and I’m shy, so I really don’t like starting conversations with strangers. Matty had actually pointed out the situation when I was at the same show as him when we first met. He said he felt bad for me that my boyfriend would do something like that to me. And now its almost 2 years later and Matty ended up being the one to do it to me. It doesn’t matter the amount of time you are left alone. It still hurts. It was only 5 mins this time, but who knows how long it will be next time. Now I actually got over him leaving me alone pretty quickly. But the way that Matty was talking about my thoughts and feelings, got me even more upset. He mad me feel like they were silly and just all around ridiculous without ever letting me explain myself. It made me feel sad and stupid. When he left and didn’t even really try to talk to me and have me come over, it made me feel like he didn’t care about me or my feelings. He should have been trying to comfort me. It sometimes seems like when Matty wants to do something, if I’m not on board with it then fuck me; he’s gunna do it anyhow. I would just like to be shown that I am important to him. I know that I am, and I know that he loves me. I would just like to really be shown sometimes. There are other reasons that add on to why I was sad, but that is something I will not post on Tumblr, but (so all of you know) has caused me a great deal of sadness for about the last year. 

I love my Mattypillar to the moon, around a couple times, and back again. I don’t want to lose him over this. 

I just wanted to give everyone my reasoning behind my thoughts and feelings over this situation. I have been crying and upset over the whole thing for every 2 hours now, and I just needed to get some things off my chest.